DISCLAIMER : This post is my personal opinion. It is NOT to state that breakups/divorces are not options to be considered. These are decisions that are very vital and liberating when taken appropriately. Please keep an open mind when reading this, and exercise discretion in forming opinions. Thanks!
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They say our generation gives new hope. We are strong, honest, independent, not afraid of choosing the path less taken , and we stand by our choices. We speak up against wrong, stand up for what is right, and try to fix whatever we can . But in this sea of virtue in which we immerse ourselves and from which we emerge, we seem to have forgotten one- contentment....?
We are used to instant gratification . Got a great picture taken?- upload it on Facebook. Nice thought popped into your head? - Tweet it. Looking good today? - Instagram it. We aren't happy with how we look until it is validated by other people's likes or comments on 10 different avenues. We aren't happy with our thoughts until they are commended by other people's upvotes. And unfortunately this exhibitionism extends to the one sentiment that is supposed to be pristine, uncolored, and not judged- love.
Love in the times of Shaadi.com. Love in the times of apps like Woo. Spouses/significant others that are made to order..much like your favorite pav-bhaji (भैय्या मसाला और बटर थोड़ा ज़्यादा डालना, प्याज साइड में ). We want everything customized, and what's more - we know we can get it too. Want a guy who has the same interests as you, want a girl who looks like a goddess, want a man who cooks for you, want a woman who will take care of your parents - look it up on this website or that app...you will definitely find someone in a nation of one billion who matches your preferences. Our lives have become a giant buffet....don't like the job you have ? - move on to the next one. Don't like the friends you have? - make new ones. Don't like the girlfriend/boyfriend you have? - that's right...get another one. You know the saddest part? That after all this customizing..all this perfecting.....all the detailing - we still aren't happy..we still want more...we still keep looking..looking for the next best thing....we are NEVER content.
Contentment - that's what it's about, isn't it? "She doesn't make me happy like she used to". "He doesn't love me like he used to". But can another person ever really make you happy? Is it the partner's job to ensure that your needs are fulfilled, that your wants are met, that YOU are happy? All the time? 24/7 , 365 days a year? Is our idea of happiness and love so stagnant that we expect our partner and relationship to remain the same over time, while we allow ourselves the luxury of changing? And when we find that we aren't happy, or things have changed..we break up. We get divorced. We move on. Move on in search of the next person who can make us happy...make us content. All the while forgetting...that the only person who can ever really, truly make us happy and ensure we are content - is we....ourselves. We are so enamored by the choices offered to us, by the life size food court that is at our disposal, that we forget that nothing and nobody can be crafted to our liking...that no person is perfect, that no relationship is perfect. We have , as individuals, miserably failed to see that the ONLY way we can be happy and content, is if and when- we CHOOSE to be so.
It's ironic. Amidst all the choices we have, and make, we omit to make the choice to be happy. To be content with what we have, and with who we are. We keep moving on. Keep looking. Keep searching. For what can make us happy..and KEEP us happy. But moving and searching is only fun when you are travelling to see a new place. Not when you are trying to find happiness. Because all the mountain peaks you scale, all the deep sea diving you do, all the languages you learn, all the cuisines you try , all the different people you meet and date , are not going to show you how to be happy. They will only mirror your happiness, if you are already happy. Because who can keep us happy, if not for ourselves? How can we make others happy, if we can't keep ourselves happy?
Comments
So there are two parts to this -
1) Our need to be validated by others - and feeling our own opinion is not enough
2) Our need that others fulfill us
They overlap for sure - but the first is more related to ego, the second more to contentment.
I think in certain cases a break up, a divorce or dumping a friend that drags you down can be important steps to our happiness - we should also aim to surround ourselves with those that are healthy for us. But ultimately you are right, you can be surrounded by the right people and still be miserable if you do not choose to be happy. Choosing to be happy often means taking accountability for your life and choices - not being a victim where everything is happening to you. And for a lot of people that is easier said than done.
Nice post - I am looking forward to reading more of your blog :)